Its pretty clear to me now that overwhelmed means crippling and standing still. Once it happens, it feels hard to move forward.
I have to really pay attention to things like lists. Once the first priorities are taken care of, don't let the "list" get lost among the papers and piles. I tend to let that happen.
Today, I am in the overwhelmed and confused state. Still job hunting, but finding nothing.
I also feel as if I have been dragging my worn out body around for the past 5 years or so, not knowing how to deal with all the old changes. Things that change but I have no idea how to deal with them. Weight, hair, feet, legs........all are completely different than before. It's as if someone came into my room at night and switched out my body for someone else's and just stuck my head on it. It hurts all over, I can hardly walk, and thinking straight is often a struggle.
I'm scared to death that this will be my future. I have to change it. Not sure how, but I must try or be doomed to live in this hurting aching shell forever?
Even as I sit here, I cant count on two hands how many aches and pains I have. Some so bad that walking more than 10 feet is excruciating!
We got my bike down in the basement yesterday. It's now up on the fluid trainer. My little step is there as well. I have to try to get on it every day. Get some sort of good feelings back. Maybe it will help with the sciatica that is also crippling. I will put a pic in here soon.
Thank you Mark for my fluid trainer........I will do my best to get on it every day now. Thank you!
Spamulatte
ps. I had to send a letter of sadness today. Meg asked me to come to the retreat. I was clearly thinking I could squeeze out the money to go, but I was fooling myself in thinking I could afford it. That makes me sad too. Oh well, next time maybe.
